just shake my bones until i break,
the earthquake under my skin that
refused to quit.
slide underneath my belonging
my sense of confusion is
no longer a weight
nor a barrier?
scream/screen/stream
of
consciousness
breaking in under guise of
trying to make sense of
whom i belong to
trying to shake the sense of dread.
when i was a little girl,
i dreamed of atlantis
standing in the middle of the barren sea
trying to find a way to inhabit
the divine culture of this city.
now that i am grown
i’m not so sure if
these words could sway anyone
into walking into the sea.
clear your faces/chests/minds
as i walked trying to make sense of
a broadsheet.
a news renews
a sense of knowing
reminded of a painting you declare
so divine
the vine
crawling up into my spine.
reporting
on the latest trends;
the tablet in your mind
that never chose its’ own words.
grow up to blow away;
the remnants of babylon
standing in the desert sea as
i tried to calculate
where diamonds may lie
body said i had
to pray, but i
won’t say the lord’s prayer
i’ll find the trail out west.
shaking
to find some common ground
gravel won’t slide, but
the mind may rise above.
home is the comfortable crook between
your spine and lungs
that i slid oh-so-gently into
hiding away from under view.
curiously fondling/fond of
the arteries webbed across my face
designed to trap me
meant to keep us both anchored
under our will
to oxygen
so curiously caught up in the mysteries of
belonging - to be longing
to be aware of my body
to breathe in shallow lakes
to gain any kind of depth
that i am struggling to stay underwater.
to be drowning
to be living
what is the difference?
i am always caught in the middle.
i’m pinned underneath you.
just let me breathe a millisecond,
the lack of oxygen is making me
hyperluccinations under my skull
like the milky way crawled
through my ear, into my mouth,
as i slept with my eyes closed.
trying to keep my senses
over/under medicated
the counter didn’t even blink
i’m drowning in your ocean,
my clothes dragging me under
as i try to gasp my last few breaths
under the black water, swirling under your toes
but you know what? i’m only struggling to grab you.
dear ocean, keep my head underwater.
safeguard it until i can bring myself to try harder.
sweep my body under the sand,
i’ll wait until you realize where you are,
walking above the glass partition.
maybe i’ll wash up “sooner or later,”
but i doubt your ability to read.
my head’s not been screwed in right
i can feel the pins popping out
help me staple it in
don’t care about the bloodloss
I woke up under the waves of the sea with knives in my back, oxygen weighing my conscience as I tried to swim ashore. Truth be told I don’t know whose knives these are and I’d like to blindly believe that my friends didn’t insert them. I might be naive but at least I’m not dead.
the geese were flying overhead.
is winter really over?
i asked but you held no words.
maybe i could have
wished upon a star for
a better vocabulary
but you never asked me anything more
so i saved my words
and hoped for a better chance.
when spring comes i’ll
hold your hand in prayer
hope for a better change in
the direction of the wind
the cold front already passed but
nothing has changed yet.
we’re waiting for better weather
but in our minds, it’s always been winter.
